lost Beauty
by SarcasticSagittarius
Summary: (one-shot)(post-OTTP-slight spoilers)A broken woman looks back on her life and wonders how she ended up as she is now.(SSBL)


**Title:** **Lost Beauty**

**Author: Sarcastic Sagittarius**

**Summary: A broken woman looks back on her life and wonders how she ended up as she is now.**

**Warning: slight spoilers and this is aslight Severus/Bellatrix story.**

**(one shot)**

**LOST BEAUTY**

****She was sitting in an old shabby hotel room staring at nothing in particular but wondering what in her life had brought her to the place.

And then she remembered.

_Severus._

She felt something for him, it stirred within her heart, but was reluctant to call it love. People like her don't love.

The time she had spent locked within her own mind had left her with a fragile and skinny body. The nightgown that she was wearing once clung to her, now it hung limply at her sides. Staring at the mirror with contempt she wondered how he could say he loved her.

Her eyes were dull, hair flat. She used to be beautiful, thick long hair, bright eyes.

She didn't regret her decisions. She was evil and enjoyed the thrills of pointing a wand at someone and taking their life away from them. Watching them look up at her with scared, pleading eyes, silently begging her to let them be, to not hurt whoever was left of their family.

She enjoyed killing families. The mothers were strangely the most fierce and maybe that's why she attacked families. She was curious as to why mothers fought so viciously with her. She realized though, now that it was because they were desperate to save their children who were a piece of them.

She loved the shivers that crawled up her spine every time she heard a husband or father scream in pain at the sight of his dead wife and children.

Sometimes she wondered if this was who she was meant to be. Severus always told her she could be better. If only she would give up such cheap thrills that always left her feeling empty afterwards.

She _did_ always felt empty now. She could watch everyone discuss future plans against a child, with a slight smirk on her face, but he always saw through it.

That was another reason as to why she was here. He had taken to forcing her into helping him. Potions, spells, curses, anything really. She had needed to get away.

She laid one delicate wrist into her hand. The bruising wasn't as bad as it had been, but Severus would still notice. He always did.

Sitting on a stool facing the old vanity, she saw tears brimming in her dark blue eyes. She didn't bother wiping them away, wanting nothing more then to curl into a ball on the bed and pretend that every single person she had killed was alive.

When she was with him, she felt empty, alone, cold and worthless. The only thing she was good for was killing, and she hated the way she liked hearing people die. Hated the way she would watch in fascination as the light in their eyes dulled and the movement of their chest suddenly stopped as if it hadn't been moving in the first place.

When she woke up, it was different. She could feel then. The amount of emotions that swept over her made her heart beat wildly and she was usually left gasping for breath. All the people she had hurt. The twisted ways that he made her enjoy it.

She was married, but had no children. At first she had wondered if that was why she sometimes felt empty. Her heart ached when she saw her nephew. She thought that maybe it was jealousy of her sister. She discovered later it was because she worried about what side he would chose, worried that he would one day be standing beside her. He wouldn't ever stand by his family now. He had chosen the side that she dearly wished she had chosen.

She wasdesperately searching for that one thing that would wipe out the emptiness in her.

She had lost her only chance at turning away from the man who controlled her when she had taken her cousin's life. She hated herself for doing it. Her sister would never forgive her, although she had made that quite clear 20 years ago when the war first started.

Gripping the edge of the table with both hands, she closed her eyes as memories were relived in her head.

_Her family._

_The black hair boy smiled at her. "Oh, Belle! Don't say that. Why would I ever hate you?"_

_Bellatrix stared at her cousin whose face was painted with confusion. _

_She smiled. "I don't know, you're in Gry-"_

_Sirius interrupted her. "Don't give me that, Belle. We're 15 years old! We're more mature than that." He said with a silly look on his face and a girlish hand move. He batted his eyes at her._

_Bellatrix shook her head in amusement. _

_O0OoO0oO0oO0o_

"_And this is my daughter." Bellatrix looked up at her sister. _

"_Andy, she's beautiful. What's her name?"_

" _Nymphadora Tonks_" _Andromeda_ _whispered a proud smile on her face_. 

"_I can't wait until I get out of school. I'll take her for trips all over the place." Bellatrix exclaimed._

_Andromeda smiled at her younger sister. "Only two years left. When it's all over and done with, you'll regret having to leave."_

_Bellatrix laughed. "I doubt it!"_

How she now wished she were still in school. Still laughing playfully with her cousin.

She knew Sirius hated her. He had then passed that hate onto his godson, although she deserved to die for what she did to them both.

She though back on Sirius, Andromeda and Severus. She had already lost two of them by her own hand and vowed not to lose the last.

Bellatrix sat staring at the mirror, hating the person she saw gazing back at her.

When Severus cam in she looked up at him.

"Are you hurt?" It's always the first things he asks.

"Only a little." She shows him her wrists. It was only a half lie. Her wrists were the only things physically hurt. Inside was a different story and she wished nothing more then to scream at the top of her lungs.

"Does your husband suspect you are here?" Her answer is always the same, a confident no.

This time was different.

Bellatrix shrugged her shoulders. "Probably, but I don't care."

Severus stared at the broken woman before him.

"Something has changed."

Bellatrix nodded.

"I have."


End file.
